'Had lunch with a client yesterday. Discussed a few final drafts of the house before she leaves the country. Even after everything was set, she still has alotta concerns, mainly not being there when we start the construction. As per her husband's instructions I wasn't suppose to give her the satisfaction of indulging on her insecurities, however i thought.. well she will be off tomorrow so lets be a good architect and answer the client's needs. While we were in the middle of the discussion, my full attention was suddenly distracted by a vision of astounding beauty... and i need not expound on that. As i was mesmerized by this lady's exquisite and bewitching smile i suddenly realized she was smiling at me and infact was coming over our table. it took me a full 5seconds to recognize her. she was infact a co-employee of mine when i was still working for this japanese constrcution firm. She apparently changed her looks. As far as i could remember the company went bankcrupt beacuse of project revenue loss that was brought about by such a controversy -an illicit affair by the principal contractor- the japanese owner himself and her personal secretary. And i need not say who the personal secretary was. As she stood infront of our table I clumsily stood up as well and greeted her. By god it took me awhile to remember her name. I did remember, however the time she applied with the company. Her hair was shorter then. I was one of the panel who interviewed her. Although we find the experience pleasant, it was all the more embarassing. As we were inquiring about her personal background and secretarial skills, one of the admin staff asked.. "Do you know Word?" She smiled and said... "You mean english word.. yes of course I know how to speak english. Infact I speak good english". :(  Whilst we were awed by her looks, it soon became too apparent that this young lady has the IQ of a jack hammer. Still she has the face of a goddess and the body of a siren. HIRED! There is no beating that.

And so, we then of course exchange pleasantries and very soon she had to go. But every inch of me was wanting to ask for her tel. no. I didnt. She said goodbye, i sat down and continued with my clients discussion.

You know that lil' voice inside you that says "No" when your about to do something bad. I think that lil' voice is not so lil' at all... and i wish for once it could say -"Although its not good but dont worry you'll work it out in the end. So go for it you chicken sh%*t!!!"

"You die when you kill, you feel you deserve to die and you stint on nothing. But does that make you evil. Or, since you comprehend what you call goodness, does it not make you good?"

 _Armand_ "Interview with the Vampire"

Birthdays mean different things to different people. Children are always thrilled to be turning a year older, yet for others, turning forty or fifty can be a bit traumatic.

Don't get me wrong im not turning forty today... although i seem to be getting there. I am now officially off the calendar dates. I just turn 32.

'got nothing to do but wait for the sun to rise. I was reading digital fortress by dan brown... and by god its totally ... (im looking for the right words)... disappointing' predictable and absolutely dragging. I must have expected too much of the book, considering its predecessors "Angels and Demons" and  "The Davinci Code". "Angels" was a bit predictable as well but not as boring as digital fortress. I mean a professor on a wild goose chase.. off to find a lost ring??..  and an assassin on a killing spree always one step behind? really now!!..kinda reminds of sheldon's last book "Doomsday Conspiracy" - a total drag!!!

then again, it wasn't a total loss ... i did learn a thing or two about encryptions
and code breaking.

and so... for allya' code-breaker lovers out there... here's one for your delight.

break this and you'll know my secret.

STYYMGHASHAOOABEMEESUFYURECWPTTBTSIRIEHREIOKELLEOWLHETLLLYROEEJPOAIOVRPOUNDTNENAY

 

wow... has it been that long? over six months since i last logged in and posted something in this blog of mine. I even forgot my password. I had to reset it.

Anyway, its good to be back. Back to pouring out our heart's discontent, venting our innermost frustrations, our long desprate attempt to tell ourselves that we're not alone -somehow, someone should be reading this and say, "i feel the same way too". Or on the otherhand writing a journal could plainly be cheap therapy. I prefer the latter. So, here we go...

This isn't actually the first posting im doing since 6months ago. Honestly I tried to write something, actually i DID write a couple of entries, but did not post them. They were (..for a lack of a beter word) a bit controversial. So intriguing that would surely incriminate myself and the people dearest to me. It was precisely for that reason that a good friend of mine convinced me not to post it. And so that particular entry remains hidden deep in the remote crevices of my ps-office outlook. hahaha! However it keeps me awake at night or should i say in the mornings since im back with the GYshift. I keep thinking.. isn't it what a journal suppose to be... a diary of lost souls. Our most hidden secrets revealed. Our true being exposed. But then i realized.. what for? Is it for the very idea that somehow, someone should get to read this and say, "i feel the same way too". Or then again, it could backfire, she might say "what a pathetic loser!" and would never ever speak to you again for the rest of your misserable life. Although somehow there's a strange comfort in that thought.  the thought of a particular person not talking to you ever again. strange it may seem but i have reasons to believe that maybe, just maybe it would end up better that way.

Im sure for most of you who dont know me well, or dont know me at all, would think what the hell is this guy talking about. But to the very few, whom i hold dear, pardon me for not telling all that is to tell. Maybe someday we'd get together, have a beer and talk about it.

its good to be back!!!

how do u say goodbye without shedding a tear?.. would u let go of something so good without knowing why or when u'll ever be again?
they say the only time u ever know the worth of something is when u lose it. NO NO NO.. not this.. i knew how special this was from the very start and how i cherish it to the last moments of our time together.

have u ever howled at the moon... or spin round and round, like you might have done before when u were a kid...with your arms stretched.. losing balance..falling.. just losing urself ..no cares in the world. life was simple then. dont u think?
now things seem to be so diff'rent. things arent that simple anymore. infact life is turning out to be so difficult everyday. ever wondered why??? does it always follow -when u grow up, difficulties abound. 

what would be so bad if we had it easy??.. i mean.. when doing the right things... why is it so difficult compared to doing bad things. im not saying go out and rob a bank or steal a car, or have sex with 3girls at once... what im saying is..waking up early.. going to skol.. or going to work.. why is it so hard to do, compared to hanging out with friends... have a drink rather than not... stay out late rather than staying home. spend time with your bf, gf, husband, or wife rather than doing chores.  if you have the answer to that .. i believe u'll have the answer to life.
so... my question again is.. have u ever howled at the moon? lose yourself and just have fun. good fun. so... go have sex with 3girls...joke! =) i guess life is so short, make the most of what you have before you end up wondering all the "what-could-have-been"s in ur life.

ps.
hmmm...maybe...3girls ain't that bad an idea after all.

there's a story about an elephant taking a bath in a large lagoon when his rat friend came up to him and demanded, "Stand up!!! Stand up!!!" "But why?" said the elephant. "Just do what i say and stand up" the elephant hesitated for a moment and decided to do what his friend wanted. and the elephant said, "So what now? what is it u want? the rat replied. "I just wanna make sure ur not wearing my bathing trunks." :)